The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So it is crazy to have a baby. It is amazing how much it changes your entire world and how you do everything, including blogging. So many friends of mine, and friends of friends whose blogs I read:), had babies right around the same time I did. I was so excited to be able to read the blogs and relate to them on a new level. To read about the joys and trials of being a new mom or a repeat new mom for most of my friends. To find tips about sleeping through the night and comfort in knowing Carson is not the only baby that screams himself to sleep on a regular basis. And also smile knowing that each mother thinks her baby is definitely the cutest and sweetest. To sympathize with the remembering that once upon a time we actually did have muscles in our stomachs.
Instead I come out of reading blogs, not everyday people but some days, feeling discouraged. I know that no one intentionally does this, seriously I do, but some days I find myself doubting my ability to be a mother after reading every one's blogs. I come out of it feeling like I should be making all of Carson's clothes, I should have made his crib from wood, Carson should be walking by now, his nursery is no where up to par, I should have fun daily activities planned for Carson, I should be in better shape already than before I had a baby or at least making serious efforts to be, and have I mentioned yet that I don't sew or knit or anything like that, and mostly that I should be much more efficient with my time and not need my daily afternoon nap. :) Don't misunderstand that I absolutely love reading about all that everyone is accomplishing. I have amazing friends with amazing talents and I love sharing in their triumphs. I also love being able to share wonderful things happening in our lives, especially things we have worked really hard for. I am confident that this is some sort of hormonal post-partum thing I am going though. But, perhaps I don't post enough about the trials I face as a new mother and stay at home wife. I was recently going though a good friend's scrapbook for her daughter to get some ideas for Carson's and I loved how she wrote about the good things that happened but also the struggles they went through when her little girl was a baby. I found myself totally captivated in reading everything, laughing and relating.
So here it is, a little bit about the good, the bad, and the ugly happening with the Piersons right now.
Carson - He really is fabulous. He is growing like a weed. He sleeps through the night now, about 9 hours which has really made a difference in how I feel in the morning. But he still struggles some nights and wakes up at his routine 4 AM. Some nights I have the will power to let him cry some or try to console him with a pacifier, some nights I just nurse him without a second thought. He really is a happy baby, except when he's tired, he can scream it out.

Josie is a fabulous running partner, she really does wake me up every, single morning at 6 and runs with me rain or shine. Which we have been doing a lot of running in the rain lately. But at least once a week I come home telling Aaron that we are taking her to the pound. Of course we never would, I love that dog more than anything but she is definitely our high maintenance, high reward dog. She has mastered pulling herself out of her collar and is so much stronger than me that when she sees a rabbit, I don't stand a chance, she has dragged me through so much mud. Running is going good but I find it amazing how hard is it to get back into shape again. I was in better shape 9 months pregnant than I feel like I am now. But it is still my much needed "me time" of the day. And I am grateful for a husband that lets me be so selfish.

I love staying at home with Carson, really and truly I can imagine nothing more satisfying and rewarding. Some days I feel like I get so much done and am so efficient. I have projects going and love just hanging out with my little boy. But some days Aaron comes home from work and asks what I did that day and I stop and think....man what did I do today??

Carson has been a little sick, some sort of a virus they think. The main symptom has been bright green, mucous poop. (Sorry I know its gross, but so true) Poor little guy, it gave him a little diaper rash. I, of course, didn't even notice it for almost a whole day. He would scream when I changed his diaper and wiped him but I just thought he was being fussy about getting his diaper changed. Which he never does but ya know I didn't think too much about it. Then I was at my mom's house and she noticed it and told me he needed some cream. I felt horrible, but, of course, I didn't have any on me. "What? You don't have any diaper rash cream in your diaper bag? Are you sure?" Yep, pretty darn sure since I've never bought any and it never crossed my mind to buy any, so unless some baby fairy dropped some in my bag when I wasn't looking, I don't have any. I felt like such an unprepared mom. My new mom friend at my church would never have been unprepared like this. :) Luckily there's a Walgreen's on every corner here.

I have really struggled to make friends in my new ward at church, I know this is my own fault for not making more of an effort but I just don't feel like I relate well with anyone yet. I don't consider myself a shy person but I have to pump myself up to talk to other women. I find myself very intimidated by everyone, although I'm not totally sure why. Thus, I find myself sticking right next to Aaron during the meetings and waiting to leave as soon as they are over, which has never been the case before.

So there you have it, just a quick snapshot of the happenings in my life- all of it. So just in case you were having "one of those days", like I was, when you don't feel like the best mom, wife, friend, student, etc. you can know you aren't alone. And yet, while writing this, sweet baby Carson woke up from his nap and when I went in to pick him up he just smiled at me so big and cuddled with me while he woke up and I thought, "he thinks I am the greatest Mom in the world."