Second Chances

My thoughts on a rare second chance I got to be a better Mom recently. 

April 3, 2014

Carson sometimes motherhood swallows me whole and I can't contain my emotions. I felt like that tonight with you. I had kind of a rough evening. I'm not feeling well and my body is tired. Dad had church meetings tonight and so it was just the kiddos and me and I wasn't up for much when it came to bedtime. I did what I consider the bare necessities. Read scriptures but no discussion or real effort for understanding, prayers with no reverence, brushing teeth with no flossing, and only one book per kiddo. You wanted a story so badly and I just wasn't up for telling one. That is really your father's domain and after putting 3 kids to bed by myself I just wasn't up for a story. I felt a little guilty after getting you all down but happy to have some "me time." After some reading and relaxing I started thinking about how I want to be a better Mom. This is a pretty normal nighttime occurrence. I try to reflect on my day and figure out what I can do to be better. I heard your door open and my favorite voice talking to himself in the hallway. I got up and was delighted to find my favorite boy awake on the floor outside his room muttering something about being scared of the dark. Not an ounce of me was upset that you were awake at 9 PM, I was so happy that I had this chance to lay with you and tell you a story. You know, the one I should have told you earlier but didn't. I got a rare "second chance" if you will. I told you a story the best I could. I know mine in no way compete with your fathers' but I included math, running, states, and soccer - just a few of your favorite things. I couldn't help but cry, tears of gratitude of course, as we lay together in the hallway. I know this stage of life will be gone quickly and you will grow up but I will always treasure this age. I won't forget the night we lay in the hallway of our Reliance Creek rental house telling you the story of the time California ran a marathon. All too quickly your Dad was back and you didn't look back as you jumped into his arms for him to take you back to bed. I don't mind, I know how much you love your Dad, tonight I'm just grateful for a second chance to be a little better of a Mom.