Perspective

Isn't it crazy how sometimes something horrible has to happen to someone else to humble a hard heart? Well that is how my life works. I can be ungrateful about life, I am often found complaining about one thing or another, well it seems like lately I have been. I've just felt so overwhelmed with my little family the past few months. I don't remember signing up to be a single Mom but that's how I have felt and its like every night after I put my kids to bed I was just exhausted. Camilla wants to be held all day long, Carson refuses to be potty trained, Camilla won't nap, our house is SO small, and taking care of everything, etc., etc. Any time Aaron brought up the topic of when we might want to have another baby, I closed my whole heart to it. I mean maybe ever. I didn't want to feel this way, I wanted to enjoy motherhood and I have had so much fun in Austin and love it here but I just felt so worn out from my kids. I just couldn't imagine adding on to something I didn't feel like I could handle. I swear I used to be able to handle my kids but I cannot leave these two in the same room for a single second without screaming and/or tears. I had always loved having two so much more than one and then it was like my whole world turned upside down. 

Some of you knew that my sister Kimberly was expecting twins this March. When she went in for her 22 week check up the doctor discovered that she was already in labor and her cervix could not hold the babies in. They tried putting her in the hospital where she lasted almost a week before getting an infection and going into labor. Those sweet, perfect babies' earth life was very short as they only lived a few seconds before passing on. I was at the hospital the whole time and got to hold them. They were beautiful. It was one of the saddest things I have ever been a part of and so heart breaking as a mother of two perfect children. I can not imagine losing two babies just like that. 

It has given me a new perspective on how blessed I am to have my beautiful children. They are healthy, energetic and happy. They are just the cutest little things I have ever laid eyes on and my heart is beginning to soften that someday in the future I will have another. :) I am amazed at how much my more positive attitude has affected how much better my children are. I know that my tension and stress affects them, but they have just gotten so much easier to manage. I can take a shower without a little girl screaming at the curtain the whole time and do the dishes and vacuum without a single fight between my kiddos. They are bringing me more joy than ever and just giving more hugs and kisses than I can ever remember. No mom gets to feel as loved as these two make me feel. 

My heart is very full and the more time goes by the better I get at doing and planning fun stuff for me and the kids and the more I enjoy the day to day with them.  

 Movie Nights, when Aaron is gone on Friday nights it has officially become movie night, which includes popping popcorn and everyone going to Red Box. 

Cultural Night at UT. We went up to meet Aaron at the MBA cultural night. Carson and Camilla LOVED it. They had food and dancers from all over the world and it was very cool. Seating was limited. :)

Almost every Saturday morning we go and get donuts after I get home from my early run. This has become one of my favorite things. Aaron is always home on Saturday mornings and we all love it. 

We went to our first UT sporting event, a volleyball game. We had such a great time and some band members let Carson touch their instruments and he was really into the cheerleaders. 

Carson really wants to wear my shoes and Camilla's shoes (hm...)

Yes we have been enjoying amazing winter weather. Still playing outside in shorts, diapers, and sandals. Camilla has learned to blow bubbles and now wants to pull Carson in the wagon. 

When Dad is home these two fight over his attention and he gives them 100% back. I got this shot early on a Sunday morning when Aaron had gone to bed at who knows what time and as soon as the kids were up and wanting to play he was right there. I have gained so much respect for Aaron as a father these past few months. 

But my very favorite is watching these two become partners in crime. I love it. 

One of their biggest crimes is Camilla sneaking into Carson's bath after I've got her all ready for bed. 

Not that everyday is perfect and goodness knows I've never had those days, but I am grateful for my little life.