Determined to love Christmas

So I decided this year that I wanted to do all the fun Christmas stuff and that my children were going to love it. I envisioned happy children sitting in Santa's lap and happily decorating sugar cookies. I could just picture the three of us making gingerbread houses and Christmas music playing in the background while shortbread baked in the oven. This was finally going to be the year that Carson was going to get excited about Christmas... I just knew it. Well I was wrong, very wrong. Carson could still care less about the holiday and I'm pretty sure has no idea that it even took place. BUT I was dedicated. Aaron was MIA this month and I was determined that I would do all the Christmas stuff with my kids. So here it is people I can at least show my children pictures some day of all the fun stuff they did. :)

Christmas Lights. I really wanted to put up Christmas lights this year even though I'm not very good at it. It felt weird putting up lights when it was so warm outside but the kids thought it was fun and loved the lights. I know its doesn't look like much but I was so proud of myself. 

I took the kids to a free Christmas party in downtown. It was a lot of fun and the weather was perfect. They had a bounce house, which got a little crazy.

Camilla was such a good sport waiting in her stroller while her brother ran around. I just couldn't keep my eyes on both of them at the same time. 

Ornament making and cookie decorating. 

A little train ride.

And on the night we decided to make gingerbread houses Aaron came home to join in on the fun, he hated missing all our fun Christmas stuff. Which made it so much more fun! I don't know how I would have pulled it off without him and I definitely wouldn't have so many pictures. :)  

And Santa, oh Santa. I waited in line with my kids for forever and they wouldn't go near the man. I was talking it up to Carson the whole time and he was so excited and then when it was go time he froze. Camilla screamed like he was going to hurt her. This was the best picture I could get. 

I decided to make shortbread this year for our friends and neighbors and this meant several trips to the grocery store, lots of baking, and way too much eating. I just love this shot of the kids begging me for carrots while we shopped. LOL your kids do this too right? 

I was feeling so proud of myself this month doing so much fun stuff with the kids all by myself. Then one night I was reading scriptures with the kids and I was talking to them about why we celebrate Christmas and I said, "Who has a birthday on Christmas, who are we celebrating?" And Carson said,"Um.. Santa." I missed the mark there, I repented and changed our focus after that. :) 

One Semester down, 3 to go!!

I can't believe Aaron has already finished one semester of school. We were so excited when he got home from his last final on Friday night. We rushed out to celebrate in our favorite way, hamburgers, french fries, and milk shakes. It was so exciting to know that Aaron is already 1/4 of the way done. It went by so fast, its crazy. I am so proud of how hard Aaron has worked and how well he did in school. It has not been an easy semester for anyone but we have loved it and have grown so much. During finals week I took the kids to the park, a bounce house, and out to eat to celebrate in our own special way. :) 

Perspective

Isn't it crazy how sometimes something horrible has to happen to someone else to humble a hard heart? Well that is how my life works. I can be ungrateful about life, I am often found complaining about one thing or another, well it seems like lately I have been. I've just felt so overwhelmed with my little family the past few months. I don't remember signing up to be a single Mom but that's how I have felt and its like every night after I put my kids to bed I was just exhausted. Camilla wants to be held all day long, Carson refuses to be potty trained, Camilla won't nap, our house is SO small, and taking care of everything, etc., etc. Any time Aaron brought up the topic of when we might want to have another baby, I closed my whole heart to it. I mean maybe ever. I didn't want to feel this way, I wanted to enjoy motherhood and I have had so much fun in Austin and love it here but I just felt so worn out from my kids. I just couldn't imagine adding on to something I didn't feel like I could handle. I swear I used to be able to handle my kids but I cannot leave these two in the same room for a single second without screaming and/or tears. I had always loved having two so much more than one and then it was like my whole world turned upside down. 

Some of you knew that my sister Kimberly was expecting twins this March. When she went in for her 22 week check up the doctor discovered that she was already in labor and her cervix could not hold the babies in. They tried putting her in the hospital where she lasted almost a week before getting an infection and going into labor. Those sweet, perfect babies' earth life was very short as they only lived a few seconds before passing on. I was at the hospital the whole time and got to hold them. They were beautiful. It was one of the saddest things I have ever been a part of and so heart breaking as a mother of two perfect children. I can not imagine losing two babies just like that. 

It has given me a new perspective on how blessed I am to have my beautiful children. They are healthy, energetic and happy. They are just the cutest little things I have ever laid eyes on and my heart is beginning to soften that someday in the future I will have another. :) I am amazed at how much my more positive attitude has affected how much better my children are. I know that my tension and stress affects them, but they have just gotten so much easier to manage. I can take a shower without a little girl screaming at the curtain the whole time and do the dishes and vacuum without a single fight between my kiddos. They are bringing me more joy than ever and just giving more hugs and kisses than I can ever remember. No mom gets to feel as loved as these two make me feel. 

My heart is very full and the more time goes by the better I get at doing and planning fun stuff for me and the kids and the more I enjoy the day to day with them.  

 Movie Nights, when Aaron is gone on Friday nights it has officially become movie night, which includes popping popcorn and everyone going to Red Box. 

Cultural Night at UT. We went up to meet Aaron at the MBA cultural night. Carson and Camilla LOVED it. They had food and dancers from all over the world and it was very cool. Seating was limited. :)

Almost every Saturday morning we go and get donuts after I get home from my early run. This has become one of my favorite things. Aaron is always home on Saturday mornings and we all love it. 

We went to our first UT sporting event, a volleyball game. We had such a great time and some band members let Carson touch their instruments and he was really into the cheerleaders. 

Carson really wants to wear my shoes and Camilla's shoes (hm...)

Yes we have been enjoying amazing winter weather. Still playing outside in shorts, diapers, and sandals. Camilla has learned to blow bubbles and now wants to pull Carson in the wagon. 

When Dad is home these two fight over his attention and he gives them 100% back. I got this shot early on a Sunday morning when Aaron had gone to bed at who knows what time and as soon as the kids were up and wanting to play he was right there. I have gained so much respect for Aaron as a father these past few months. 

But my very favorite is watching these two become partners in crime. I love it. 

One of their biggest crimes is Camilla sneaking into Carson's bath after I've got her all ready for bed. 

Not that everyday is perfect and goodness knows I've never had those days, but I am grateful for my little life. 

Super Heroes

So Carson went to a birthday party that I just still can't get over. It was just the cutest party and he had so much fun I wanted to document it. Mostly so that I can steal some of their ideas. Now Carson isn't really into super heroes, unless you count Super Why but he sure was excited about this party. Westin's Mom made personalized capes for everyone coming with their initial on the back. Now this is something to get Carson excited about. He loves this cape, to sleep in, play in, and just wear around. 

They also made masks, ate delicious food, and broke a pinata. 

Camilla also joined in on the cake. 

How do you get this many 3 year olds to take a picture? Lots of suckers. 

And Carson just loved the drums. Every time I couldn't find him I knew just where he had sneaked off to. 

And a cute shot from when we were shopping for the birthday present. Carson kept picking up things he wanted...lol. That's a hard concept to figure out.